Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
