I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
