is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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