My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
