I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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