You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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