I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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