I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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