We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
