Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
time to smoke my breakfast
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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