she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
