i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
