What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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