Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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