my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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