We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
