Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
