My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
