Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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