Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
