Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
