i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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