Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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