My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
