did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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