she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
