I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
