a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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