I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
