Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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