Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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