Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
