Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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