i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
