you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
