but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
