come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
