i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
