Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
