he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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