It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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