Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
