Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
