Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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