I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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