I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
