i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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