why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
