guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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