My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
