Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
