I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
