that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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