Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
