We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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