I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
