So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
