just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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