the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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