went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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