I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
