i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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