Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
