i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
