suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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