OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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