i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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