I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
