Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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